Just be yourself c:

                  The chapter “Gangsters” in Sag Harbor is a stand alone story within a novel that addresses adolescent through racial issues. Our class discussion of the chapter elaborated on the central theme of the chapter and what Benji’s permanent souvenir of his close encounter with blindness truly represents within the scope of the novel if anything.

                  A quick analysis of the chapter reveals that it is likely that the boys are balancing their privileged lifestyle with cultural influences. Aside from Benji, the boys glorify their BB guns as a physical representation of power. We can observe this kind of reverence through Randy, who was the main facilitator of the BB gun trend, as well as the character who let the power go to his head. Randy had the shooting location chosen, convinced tow other friends to purchase their own guns, and eventually became so cocky that he became incredibly bossy with others. Randy was living off of the power the gun gave him and I believe that he may serve as a representation of an unhealthy obsession.

                  In contrast, Benji mentions consistently how much he is not jazzed about going shooting. I think I counted five times in which Ben mentions his desire to just go see a movie forget about the dumb BB gun stuff. He nearly instantly sees through the false appeal of the guns. Although Benji eventually finds a way to enjoy playing with the guns, he is still skeptical, and even until the end insists on “uncool” practiced such as wearing glasses in order to counteract the illusion of power.

                  The boys attempt to assert that they are not taking the BB guns to be real guns by shooting each other and being dangerous. I am sure that they would claim that if they had real guns, the would not act so immature. The reality is, though, that although the guns are not as fatal, they are still extremely dangerous. The mixture of a weapon and immaturity created a volatile environment that was just waiting to turn into a bad situation.

                  What disappointed me about the ending of this chapter was that Benji gave in to peer pressure. I don’t think I really have a right to complain very much since I’m pretty lame and I bet you are too sometimes and peer pressure if tough to overcome in some instances. It was clear that Ben was not interested in the guns, and really only went along because he thought they would all hang out later, and then got caught up in the game later because he was encouraged to be his friends. He failed to insist on safety because his ideas were dismissed. As a result of his personal weakness, he suffered the consequences. Though I believe that Benji did not deserve his punishment, and a character like Randy should have received the bullet instead, it is a strong message to send about trusting one’s self and being confident in your own positions not only on social issues but on anything. By succumbing to the group mentality and surrendering his agency to the game, Ben loses himself and nearly loses his eye.

College Bound with a Little Brother

I couldn’t help but relate to Julia in Black Swan Green, as she is in nearly the same situation as I am now. I’ll try to use some of my experiences to help explain what Julia might be feeling, and how her character develops from the beginning to the end of the novel. Of course, I’m not her, so I can’t say for sure what’s on her mind.

My little brother is three years old, not thirteen like Jason. His name is Jake and he’s a whole lot of fun! I think we fail to embody the stereotypical sibling dynamics that Julia and Jason do because of our relative distance in age. I am more like a cool aunt than a big sister, I think. Nevertheless, I will have my early-novel Julia moments where I’ll catch Jake being a little stinker and have to lay down the law. How much Jake looks up to me is similar to Jason’s admiration of Julia. It's an amazing feeling to be a role model for a little kid. I’m not sure is Julia finds the same satisfaction in being so cool to Jason, but I think it is rewarding to be inspiring to anyone. 

I think another part of what make Julia relatable is how she is able to talk back to her parents, and how Jason finds that so incredible. I am at a time in my life where I have just crossed the back-talk threshold and I can finally have a say and effectively defend myself in family situations. I think it's totally awesome and I still can’t believe it sometimes. Maybe part of why Julia sasses Uncle Brian so much is that she is finally permitted to go nuts at the dinner table without consequences. Maybe she endured years of listening to Uncle Brian’s weirdo rants and realized she could say something about it. Coincidentally, I have a grandfather named Brian and he thinks Barack Obama is a reincarnated ancient Egyptian pharaoh, and a lizard man, so I get to have my own fun on the holidays. 

By the late chapters in the novel, Julia is in college and she has cleaned her hands of a consistent daily interaction with Jason. This development in their relationship has allowed Julia to bypass the constant strain that comes with a nosy little brother in order to become a helpful and protective authority for Jason. Although I am not yet in college, I am no longer required to babysit daily. Which is super nice. As a result of this, I no longer have the stress associated with interacting with Jake. There’s not a whole lot of emotional support I can offer a three-year-old who likes letters and the planets, but I find myself being an advocate for him much more! More than that, when I do babysit, we have much more fun because it becomes a special occasion. I guess the parallel here is a little strained since there’s not very many toddler dances in our area, and Jake doesn’t need to pop off on some tots in order to win the girl. That would be wild. 

The point is that Julia kept me thinking of my own family situation. I wonder if maybe you felt the same. How do you relate to Julia? Do you think she is a good big sister? I think she is, but maybe that’s because I’m a lot like her. 

Character Development Happens

The narrator and main character of Housekeeping, Ruth has a snide personality that allows her to make fun of tragedy and quickly dismiss misfortune. Through her indifference and acceptance of the nature of life, she elevates the characters around her despite not experiencing a dramatic personal change herself.

Ruth begins the novel by discussing the death of her grandfather and mother in a nonchalant way. At the end of the novel she describes the supposed death of herself and Sylvie in a similarly casual way. Ruth begins to think of Sylvie as her mother and becomes devoted to her as she was once devoted to Lucille.

Lucille was forced into her coming of age by rejecting the messy, immaterial life style that Sylvie embraces. Because Ruth fails to support Lucille's anger with Sylvie, she leaves the home and stays with a more socially acceptable family. Lucille is pushed indirectly by Ruth to make this choice because of her indifference to Sylvie's anti-social antics that alienated Lucille from the life she desperately wanted to have. 

(Although Lucille defied Ruth and Sylvie, the two "main" characters that we should technically align with, many readers find themselves aligning with Lucille, as she represented cleanliness, sociability, and safety, sentiments we think of as necessary for an enjoyable life.)

Not much time later, the threat of losing Ruth becomes a real fear for Sylvie, who has proven to the community that she was unfit to care for the girl. Ruth describes her relationship with Sylvie and the care she receives as the care a mother would give her child. When first introduced to Sylvie, she is a despondent, childish character. Because she lived a life of transience, she needed to be able to accept and be indifferent to loss. As she builds her relationship with Ruth, she realizes that she cannot lose her, and even tries to fit in with social expectations to keep her. Sylvie's development from "child" to mother is without a doubt facilitated by Ruth and her connection and emulation of Sylvie. 

Ruth's coming of age is much more physical and cyclic than the emotional development Sylvie experiences. Ruth's mother and grandfather both have their final resting places at the bottom of the lake. By being assumed dead through suicide (nearly identical to her own mother), Ruth fulfills the generational cycle that had been started by her grandfather. This coming of age is not traditional in the way that Lucille and Sylvie came of age, but it is just as significant. Unlike other novels we have read in class, each main character experiences significant development or fulfillment in their own way. 

THE DOCTORS Exclusive: "A Miraculous Recovery" (TWO PART SERIES)

The Bell Jar tells a story of a young girl, Esther, who experiences a series of realizations and disappointments which seriously affected her mental state. She and her family realize that her declining mood has become extreme and send her to a doctor to be evaluated and treated. Upon seeing her first doctor, Dr. Gordon almost immediately, she had a bad taste in her mouth. She mentions his appearance, hid family, and she describes his behavior, but she does not outwardly explain why she disliked her doctor. 

Earlier in the novel, Esther visits a hospital on a date with a medical student named Buddy. There, she sees a mother giving birth on a drug that would ensure she forgot her experience. This situation disgusted Esther, as it was just the kind of drug a man would prescribe a woman. Through this experience, Esther realizes the malignancy of the predominantly male-dominated medical field. Although men were not actively trying to cause women pain, they were not sympathetic enough, thus allowing them to experience more pain than necessary. This realization may have caused Esther fear in the presence of Dr. Gordon. 

Furthermore, Dr. Gordon's appearance and family picture are potentially threatening to her as they seem to promote conformity to societal norms. The family is comprised of a man and a wife and children. Throughout the novel, Esther has expressed fear and disgust toward the idea of her becoming a housewife and possibly a mother. What bothers her is that she is expected to fill this social role, and any attempts at expressing how much she does not want to conform are dismissed as immaturity. By being passively shown conformist propaganda, Esther immediately becomes insecure. She feels that her doctor may be dismissive with her as everyone else has been. 

This seems to be the case since Dr. Gordon presses Esther on what she believes her condition is, as opposed to actively trying to assess her situation. Without a care, he sends her to shock therapy which traumatizes her into never returning to his office. 

Conversely, Dr. Nolan, a female doctor that Esther is brought to after her symptoms become more extreme, was described in a much more positive light. By understanding why Esther disliked Dr. Gordon, it is possible to analyze why Dr. Nolan is such a powerful character to Esther. Not only does Dr. Nolan experience the same societal pressures as Esther, but she overcame them. Esther even mentions herself that she did not know woman psychiatrists existed. Dr. Nolan validates Esther's fears and insecurities and treats them. She allows Esther to hate her mother, she allows Esther to be sexually expressive, and she allows her to be herself.

  A positive individual such as Dr. Nolan is a necessary component to Esther's mental health. Throughout the novel, Esther has been facing opposition. It takes a tremendous amount of power to be confident in one's position and to refuse to conform, however the energy needed to deal with constant disappointment and social failure may eventually wear on one's mental state. By being an advocate for conformity, Dr. Gordon worsened Esther's condition by pushing her further into her own social anxieties, whereas Dr. Nolan provided Esther the validation she desperately needed to recover. 

Which is worse a cough or a runny nose

Holden has a specific idea of what makes someone phony in The Catcher in the Rye. We’ve discussed in class how he seems to be okay with lying to spare someone ill feelings, yet he despises those who show off real talents for attention or recognition. He seems to believe those who beg for attention are "more fake" than those who betray the truth.

Throughout the novel, Holden lies his way through countless uncomfortable situations. He lies about reading his history textbook in order to save his teacher even more disappointment. He lies about Ernest Morrow to his mother on the subway to convince the mom that his son is a role model rather than a huge punk. These lies are not necessarily harmful; they make the listener feel good. Holden tells the listener what they want to hear rather than the ugly truth. Holden even withholds the truth from the reader, but he is honest about doing so. He won't tell us about his childhood, and he doesn’t go into much detail about his past schools. This relative honesty makes the reader feel as if although Holden will outright lie to people in the story, he will be honest about keeping information from the reader.

Furthermore, Holden takes his relationship with the reader and lying to another level when he tells the reader just how much he is fabricating. An example of this is when his history teacher agrees with Pencey’s headmaster that life is a game. Holden, to save an argument, agrees seemingly wholeheartedly that life is, in fact, a game. He reveals to us, though, that he was lying and the fact that people think of life as a game was something that caused him a degree of anger.

So what is the difference between outright lying and being a showoff? The distinction is never explicitly made, but it can be observed that Holden’s lies are meant to “help” others, or improve their moods, as opposed to his own. A counter-argument to this could be that Holden was telling people what they wanted to hear in order for him to escape ridicule, but that does not fall in line with Holden’s observations of those who are “phony” and we don’t want to call Holden a hypocrite because he is already suffering enough. Those who are “show offs” are demanding attention or recognition. One of the first examples of someone Holden calls “phony” is the dean of one of his previous schools. He would wait outside every day to shake parents’ hands and talk about their kids and other people’s parents for up to a half an hour (that last one is strange but to each their own lol). The explanation for why the dean is phony could be that he is attempting to build a personal relationship with the parents in order the skew their opinions of the school as opposed to simply doing good work as a dean without feeling the need to be liked by each individual parent. Other examples are more clear such as the piano player with a mirror in front of his face, or the arrogant actors.

The question now is whether or not Holden’s deception is better than the phoniness he hates. How much is phoniness hurting others? And how innocent are Holden’s lies? Would you call Holden a hypocrite? Let me know what you think!

DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT TO CRINGE

I am taking this opportunity to use chapter two of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man as an excuse to perform a self roast on my middle school self. I will be using some of the events from chapter two as points of reference for some of my reflection. I deeply sympathize with Joyce over not including his first poem. Keep reading to find out why …..

The first half of chapter two Stephen is described as a middle school aged boy who is understandably super awkward. He has a strange fixation on The Count of Monte Cristo, sitting alone at parties looking at girls, and making cringey art. I'm not trying to rip into Stephen; everyone goes through a uncomfortable period in their life. I think it's valuable that Joyce chose to include details of an embarrassing phase of his life in his novel. It made me reflect on my own middle school years and I had a blast thinking about what a little weirdo I was. 

I thought it could be fun to do not a pastiche of Joyce but a caricature of myself from middle school. There is something overly dramatic yet relatable about Stephen sitting in the corner of a party using his psychic powers to get a girl's attention. Stephen's style throughout the whole chapter reminded me of what a "fedora guy" is all about. For those of you who aren't sticking with the memes, fedora guys are typically preteens to teenagers who think of themselves as having higher intelligence than others and that is why they can't get a girlfriend. They also think that while other boys have "swag" they have "class." They're very strange, like Stephen! I am led to believe that Joyce did not just relay true facts to us in the text, but like any novelist, wrote novel-worthy content which is most likely exaggerated to some degree. I was quite active on deviantart and Tumblr at the time, so I made it in the form of a profile bio. 

Check it out:

[I found a picture of me in middle school and I was going to post it here but I think it is better if I just had this in its place because my middle school self is... shockingly different I don't want to spook anyone. Message (don't comment) me to see]

This is me in the seventh grade! I like to color coordinate my outfits so I only wear one color on my entire body. Some days I look like a grape, and others I look like a fire engine XD 

My interests include making ~fleece unicorn hatz~ and drawing my favorite characters from "hipster" media. Like a good artist, I draw every single day in my bedazzled sketchbook. I try to stylize my pieces as much as possible so that a viewer cannot distinguish between one part of the body from another. I don't really like to show people my sketches anymore, though, because one time my really talented artist friend saw my drawings and wouldn't stop laughing. Similarly, when I showed my dad some of my pieces, two technical anatomy textbooks were soon in my possession. I think my style is quite jarring but I like that it is edgy. That makes it meaningful. 

The one piece I will show you [I WILL NOT SHOW YOU THIS DO NOT ASK] is my original character for my first comic :3c she doesn't have a name because she was born without one and she has no parents. (real reasoning) She is actually based off of me except I am a ninja owo as you can see I have rainbow wings, a hat with big floppy ears, and a scarf. These all help me to stay stealthy in the night. 

I was going to include an image of myself and my artwork but I just felt an overwhelming feeling of pure embarrassment. I think that's okay, and I'm certain Joyce felt it too when he reflected on some of the first poems he wrote. No wonder he didn't include it in his novel. Interestingly, I have no shame in showing grade school and prior artwork, and no shame in showing artwork I'm doing now. For some reason these years have been poisoned for me in terms of artistic development. Maybe Joyce felt the same way. Could it be because middle school is the time that most children begin to think more critically, or that they begin puberty, or is it something else like the art is so close to being good that it is worse than being complete garbage?

I think it would be great to get some other artists perspectives on this. I know there are lots of you out there!! How were your middle school years in terms of the art you produced relative to now? Do you feel the same way abut your work? If you don't consider yourself an artist, are there other ways you relate to Stephen from early chapter two?

15 Y/O HAS RATED R EXPERIENCE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL ASTOUND YOU

I don’t mean to write this as a dig at Catholicism or religion in any way. I don’t think ill be saying anything offensive about it, but if for some reason I say something that disturbs you please let me know. What I will be discussing are the effects of social depravation and scare tactics on naïve individuals (in this case a child/teenager) without an alternative authoritative influence such as a parent’s guidance or a group of relatable friends.

                  A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man establishes perfectly in the first chapter the stirring pot for Stephen’s decent into self loathing and anxiety. Stephen is sent to a boarding school which isolates him from his family in some of the most important years of his development. Though the school he attended gave him few grievances, his peers bullied him, and in these years of vital development, transformed Stephen into a socially inept character. Because he was deprived of family influence, and friendship with his peers, his religion is the only thing he can pull his understanding of the world from. Since this occurred so early in his life, the effects of this isolation remain and fester with him well into his teenage years. Furthermore, because there is no alternate source that could explain the complex and confusing lessons he is taught, he develops a bizarre understanding of his faith and develops an obsession with sin and punishment.

(I think this interest may have stemmed from his relationship with justice at Clongowes. In what we have read so far, Stephen has a conscience preoccupied with the concept of sin and sinful thoughts, however until chapter three he has not considered the punishment, or justice for being sinful. The cyclic nature of the novel leads me to believe that Stephen will soon enough have to face the justice associated with the crimes he has committed against his faith.)

                  The obsession starts to wear on Stephen’s conscience especially heavily during chapter three when father Arnall describes the punishment he must endure for the what he has done. In this moment the culmination of his social issues, his feelings of guilt, and his pride in his knowledge clash to create some kind of totally devastating vortex for Stephen. He has no friends to confide in, he has no father to confide in, and he cannot possibly confess at his school!! He has all of these feelings that he has internalized after years of being isolated from the group that he can’t let them out when he really needs to. I believe that with the involvement of his guardians or his peers (or even the men working at his school who he has deemed inaccessible because of his status as the head of the Virgin Mary committee) he would have had a much more secular approach to life which could have prevented him from either committing his ultimate sins or feeling such an overwhelming guilt. Would that make Stephen less special? Yeah. Would that make the book less interesting? Yeah. But I think its important to try to think about why Stephen sometimes seems so weird to us.

Also unrelated but related, I watched a 45-minute documentary on Magdalene Asylums, which are orphanages for girls or “safe homes” for women who have given birth before marriage. The sorts of terrible things discussed in this documentary bring to light how central and controlling to society the Catholic faith was in Ireland in the 1900s: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWKuGqtWDow